30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 12
[Mike] Ok. This one is easy for me. I'm fortunate enough to keep in fb contact at least with most of my ex's. (hi!) I'm not singling anyone out or embarrassing them. (ok, one of you smelled, but I'm not saying who) Although we don't always say hi or anything, it's awesome to see their fb posts through the years. It's been amazing to see them become women and mothers. Sure, everyone has ups and downs, but they all seem to retain the essence of them.
I have been a little more introspective on this. It's rad to see they still care about issues, and do cool things despite being so busy. I realized as one gets older it gets easier to become jaded it's harder to care to about things. One has priorities and practicalities to deal with, so it gets harder to find, and get in your car and go to cool places. So I'm impressed.
It takes dedication and effort, and whatever seems to be going on in their life, they still make an effort to do the things that make them, them. That's so rad! Those are the intelligent, outspoken, adventurous gals I remember. To not lose yourself in the trials and tribulations of in life is a true accomplishment, but also an on going effort. Keep up the good work guys.
Circumstances, opinions, beliefs, everything is subject to change. You guys have probably changed a great deal in the time since you thought that weird kid from Alhambra was kinda cool like twenty years ago. That's the way things go. I know what I see on fb is rarely the full story, and maybe you've changed. You may be pleased with things or looking toward better things. However the humor, tenacity, sense of adventure; all of you still have it. So what I'd like to say to my ex's? You guys have become strong, thoughtful lovely women. I'm glad to have known you as we were then, and I'm glad to know you now. - Mike
[Crystal] Today's topic is on what you would say to an ex. Wow - we both have very different feelings on these very different people. Mike's were joyfully invited to our wedding. Crystal's ex was blocked from all social media sites and future contact (hopefully).
So here we go... my ex was a high school sweetheart who I broke up with my first year of college. Unfortunately, he did not take being broken up with very well. He "stalked" me on campus in the parking lots late at night. I always had either a co-worker or Campus Police walk me to my car at 10:00 pm when I got off work at the Student Union. So he had been tracking me for a few weeks and finally confronted me over the phone saying I was seeing "all these different guys" night after night. Yeah asshole - they are armed with nightsticks and mase and they are protecting me from YOU. He even followed me when dropping off Mike at his house one evening and proceeded to get in the car and tell Mike and I that we couldn't have sex till marriage. (He was Mormon... although that didn't stop him - f'ing hypocrite.) He had also threatened him previously, saying he would send someone to wait by the bus stop and beat Mike up late at night (which was why I was driving him home in the first place!) I also found out later that he stole from my parents and had even sold some camera lenses of my mom's that he thought she would "never miss." It was these ugly things that made me truly resent him. I wanted no contact with him whatsoever and even though 18 years has passed, and I know he has like 3 kids or something, I still want nothing to do with him.
So what would I say to him now?
"Thanks for the good times like the school dances, but your bad actions always spoke louder than the good ones. You alienated me from my friends (who told me I should grow a pair and break up with you back in the day) during my greatest high school years. I am so thankful that I met Mike during that first year of college, who was willing to stand up to you and put it all on the line to love and protect me. In a way, you stole my innocence and childhood. I think that we all deserve an apology from you, especially my mom - who you still owe money to because of some DJ equipment she bought and for all that you may have stolen. But on the other hand, I do not want to see or hear from you at all. That part of my life is over, and I wish to move forward with the lessons I had learned from it."
Nothing can change our past, but it is part of what makes us who we are today. I have become more self-aware and less naive over the years and in writing about these sensitive life issues have come to the conclusion that we all have our own story and that each of our journey's can shape our lives in totally different ways. I could have let this sour me from boyfriends, trust in general and faith in humanity. But no. I still see the best in people, understand that we are each fighting our own hidden demons and I know that love can prevail if we let our old insecurities and bias go.
That is all I have for tonight. Thank you for reading.
-Crystal Olguin
August 11, 2017
