The Story of Us
Follow along, this is from our first-hand perspectives so we wrote these two accounts separately and combined, they paint a complete picture. So [C] will be Crystal's and [M] in italic is Mike's.
[M] Today marks five years of being married. Only five years of being married, but it’s been seventeen years we’ve been together. Early on we just knew we liked being together all the time. So we did. We were young, but I was reasonably perceptive of the things we might face. Changing with time, other people, and being without the ability to be together all the time. I knew all those things would test us, and they have.
[C] Today we celebrate 5 years of marriage, but the truth is, our relationship dates wayyy back to February of 2000! (Damn, that's a long time ago!) Mike was a brace-faced college student at Cal State Los Angeles and I was a new "blonde" incoming Freshman there.
I remember the first day I met him like it was yesterday. He was working at the Student Union and on my first day on the job, I walked in on a Friday and he had his glasses on, and feet up on the counter, just kicking back reading a school newspaper. As my boss brought me into the back, Mike quickly straightened up by the time I came back out and looked like a completely different person for our first formal introduction. He stood up, put out his hand and he said enthusiastically - "Hi, I'm Mike!" I blushed as we shook sweaty hands.
Mike and I worked together in college, becoming close as co-workers and as friends. Soon we did everything together! We carpooled, worked together, went to the same school, and we racked up our MCI Wireless cell phone bill with hours and hours of conversation time.
In June of that year, Mike and I went to Oahu, Hawaii together to behold the beauty and incredible aloha spirit there.
Oahu, Hawaii June 2000 - our first vacation together
[C] We honestly fell in love and Mike even pseudo-proposed to me on Waikiki Beach. (We both promised to finish our college educations first!)
We left Cal State LA to begin attending Pasadena City College and enrolled in every single class together to complete our General Ed and earn our AA degrees.
Spring 2000 - our first Photoshoot of Delta Zeta at CSULA
[C] Throughout these years we worked at Disney’s California Adventure and had plenty of fun adventures ourselves! We hung around our old high school friends, who were now also in different colleges all over California so we took many road trips to the University of Redlands, Santa Clara, Berkeley, and San Diego.
February 2001 - our first road trip to San Francisco
[C] Both working part-time in Anaheim and earning a degree somehow allowed us plenty of time to have fun with friends! After turning 21, we frequented Las Vegas and even checked out Walt Disney World in Florida! We did great, together every step of the way!
June 2004 - Graduation from Pasadena City College
[C] After our AA degree graduation we got accepted into Cal State Long Beach and even got a Cavalier puppy from my Aunt! We got jobs on campus at the Bookstore and we quickly made friends there. We both changed our major to Studio Art and Photography and concentrated on creative projects nearly every single day! I’d like to think we really thrived here!
Winter 2004 - accepted into CSULB and our new puppy Tipsy
[C] In two years plus a summer school and we were done! BA’s in hand we had to find new jobs and “start” our lives now. So we applied for Lifetouch Photography - a job that would fit our majors description to a tee!
June 2006 - CSULB Graduation
[C] At Lifetouch we were photographers and salespeople who went to various churches to take family photos and create a sort of yearbook as their church directory. They liked that we were a couple who worked really well together and began sending us to churches in Arizona each week.
2007 - Lifetouch Style Photos I set up for our own family's Christmas Card
[C] The schedule was rough. We would fly out on a Monday, set up and shoot Tuesday to Saturday then take down, and fly home by Saturday night. Sunday was our one “day off” but I also worked at a Photomatt. Then it was time to fly back to AZ by Monday again. This cycle only lasted a few months. By January we were looking for something new!
Mike found a graphic design job in South Pasadena and I found temp work at Dawson Company making collection calls. I thought, wow this is a cool company to work for and I love everybody here! When they said they were interviewing for a permanent Purchasing Agent position there, I jumped at the chance! I remember asking my mom - what the heck is a Purchasing Agent? lol
I still work at the same company 10 years later!
July 2008 - Mike's Birthday "Playboy Gangsta" themed party
[C] We had a lot of good times outside work now that we finally weren’t in school together. No homework means more time to get dressed up, go out and have some fun! And trust me, any excuse for a costume party - and we were right there!
December 2009
[C] We got passes for Disneyland in 2009 and we completely addicted to the totally safe, Disney rave-like party scene! We got more friends to get passes and suddenly we had our own drunken playground where we could be silly, dance our booties off, ride rides, meet new people and bar hop all over Downtown Disney and the park!
2011 Mad Tea Party Opening at Disney's California Adventure
[C] We met a band too who we followed to every single local show. They were cool people, our age, attracting other like-minded people who quickly became our close friends.
Drinking was all around us. And pancreatitis had Mike in the hospital a few times. He stopped a few times during our party days but I can’t nail down any specific dates (because I was wasted too!) We went to Karaoke every Thursday in Pasadena and had befriended the bartenders so often we drank and sang all night for cheap.
These were chaotic times. Mike had lost this third job in a row due to the recession, he couldn’t seem to stay sober, and we didn’t want to change our friends, leave the party scene or ditch our bad habits.
[M] The unexpected problems showed up too. For me personally, it was not dealing with anxiety and depression well. I was laid-off from excellent jobs where I was doing well being a designer after that financial crisis. I was really bummed with that and friend drama so I buried it by drinking. We had a really fun life and I did not want to bum anyone out. A combo of drinks and fun times worked at calming my anxiety for a moment. But my health deteriorated, my moods darker, bluer.
[C] In Fall of 2010, I won “Employee of the Year” at work which included a travel voucher so we took the opportunity to book a flight in August of 2011 to Europe to visit my family.
This trip was epic, including Germany, France, Austria and Italy and a chance to spend time with my Aunt and Uncle and two beautiful Cousins. Although Mike got sick at the Eiffel Tower he had a nervous sort of energy that I just couldn’t put my finger on.
By September 3 (about half way into the trip) he proposed to me on the banks of the Mosel River, overlooking the Bernkastle fireworks show! It blew me away!
September 3, 2011 - Engaged in Germany
[C] We began going through the proper Wedding planning steps during that next year. We picked our wedding party right away, we took professional engagement pictures, we chose a venue, tasted the cake, made the guest list, picked out the outfits and the flowers and all the other bullshit that goes along with insane wedding planning.
[M] I’d feel bummed, drink, feel better for a minute, feel sick, feel down about it and repeat the cycle. This cycle got worse until I was either down, out of it or sick. I got things a little more under control one year and felt it was long overdue to get married. I thought I was ready for more stability in our lives. Besides, we had a trip to Europe coming up (thanks to Crystal’s work and family) that I really wanted to propose on. It sounded so romantic and perfect to propose there despite it not being an excellent time for it. We had little money; I had no job or even prospects, I was coping with drinking and depression and felt a ton of pressure. But I thought that stuff would iron out during the year we have to plan the wedding. It will be the push I need to snap out of it, everything will work out, and we’ll finally have the life we imagined back in 00’... right?
Engagement Photos by Karen Vaisman
[C] I was stressed at work making the transition from Purchasing Agent to Sales at the time, we were drinking more than ever, Mike was out of work but looking, we were spending a ton of money on the wedding and I felt like my bridesmaids had too much going on in their own lives to help with the wedding planning.
In fact two people in our wedding party we’re getting married just two months before us. There was so much prep work that went into their large and beautiful Long Beach wedding, including all the Engagement, Bachelorette, and Bachelor Parties.
By the time their Wedding Day came in August it was a grand spectacle, perfect in every way. They had a big dance number prepared, seemed cool calm and relaxed every step of the way and somehow they pulled off a gorgeous wedding day with all of their friends and family there. To be honest, it was a bit intimidating!
Always a bridesmaid... almost a bride!
Mike drank a lot the day before and the morning of and by the time I saw him (an hour before the ceremony) he was totally shit-faced! His shirt was untucked, hair uncombed, schmutz on his face and I was told he was passed out in the groom's room. A groomsman came out with a sloppy Mike draped over his shoulder. I remember being so embarrassed and scolding him and trying to fix him up in the bathroom so he at least would seem presentable to the public.
I was told that he even tried to drink the bubbles because they were disguised as mini champagne bottles and he thought he won the airplane liquor bottle jackpot!
He got through their ceremony swaying and staggering, just getting excited about the next time at the reception where he could get a drink. (Not to fear - the groomsmen have flasks!) Ugh. He passed out in the foyer of the reception area and I cried so hard to two of my bridesmaids who were also guests at the wedding.
I understood the nerves got the best of him, free alcohol was all around and shit was getting real, really fast. In less than 2 months we would be walking down the aisle. We weren’t this prepared. How would this change our social lives? It was already so stressful and this was pulling us apart.
I felt so alone. I felt angry. I felt stressed to the max. And I felt like Mike would be too drunk or passed out to talk about all these issues with me so I went to a drinking buddy. I talked to him after work at least once a week for hours on end. He listened to all my work and wedding planning problems, kept the drinks coming and always had good advice to offer. He was dating one of my bridesmaids off again on again. And truth be told - we’d gossip about her too.
Being in the same group of friends, we’d always hang out, but one time after Disneyland and a ride home and then a few too many drinks, we made a mistake.
I told no one.
Before you know it, the Wedding Day was here. This was our fresh start!
Our Wedding Day in Newport Beach October 13, 2012
[M] I would love for this to be the part where I say; “Yup, that’s where I pulled it all together!” I didn’t though. I felt so down. Crystal had waited so long pretending she didn’t care about ever getting married; I love her so much, I knew she deserved more. I kept on keeping on though. (Why am I writing about this stuff? It’s not to be a bummer, and this is going somewhere, hang in there!)
Anyways, our wedding day came and went as weddings do. I remember such fear, joy, fun, and drama that day. Such contrasts! One moment the stress of my anxiety as mentioned above bearing down, then seeing how beautiful Crystal looked and the lovely setting filling me with ease. Filling myself with too much sauce (as per usual) acting the fool and ultimately passing out on the wedding night. Given my nerves and that crowd however, I was just glad no one fell overboard, and everyone left with all their limbs. I counted it a success. I remember a really cool exciting feeling.
[C] The day went well! Friends and family came from near and far, the weather was perfect, and love was in the air.
I loved everything about that day - except that he passed out again that evening when we got back to our hotel. A bridesmaid tried to wake him up and lecture him and it turned into a whole emotional thing when my eyelash glue burned my eyes and I was urged to flush them out with really chlorinated hotel tap water. (Ouch!)
Formal Wedding pictures
[C] On our honeymoon I told all. He was so hurt. I was the bad guy in every way to everybody.
[M] We’ve wrote about this before, but a day later, I found out on our honeymoon that Crystal hooked up with one of our friends before the wedding. I was upset for a day or two but realized how stressful that time was, we lived a crazy party life, and I knew how down and distant I had become. I thought, oh well this would be a good chance to turn over a new leaf myself. I did, and we had an excellent honeymoon period for a time. That’s why it stung so much when it happened again.
[C] We had a rocky first couple of months. He teased me almost everyday, driving me back. Then in December, he decided to tell all my friends and family. I moved out to a friends house. Then back into my parent's house. How could we get through this?
He wound up in the hospital again for drinking. We had alienated ourselves from others. We had a lot to work out and took some time to reflect and talk about the situation.
[M] That was all my fragile frame of mind could take. I broke down. Our other friends; one of whom was his ex, had it with us and our drama. She was distraught, friends took sides and haven’t spoken to us since.
All of that hurt me so much. Despite the hurt, we still liked being around each other, even still loved each other. Though times were dark, love endured. That’s not to say things were easy those first few years. Who were we without our friends, without drinking and partying?
[C] Love isn’t easy. It takes hard work. But we were both willing to put in the time to make the necessary changes and sort things out for the best. Our love grows stronger every day. And this roller coaster had just begun.
In 2015 we lost my dad. He had been drinking since he was a teenager and his life-long abuse had let to sciroccos of the liver and potential organ failure. His death hit me hard. We had just talked about going to AA, and getting him into a rehab facility just days before his organs started giving up. We laughed about old stories about vacations and fishing trips in that hospital room, and I told him I loved him. Then 3 days into his coma, he slipped away holding my hand on one side and moms on the other.
Mike and I started drinking again. And in the days before Dad’s Memorial, I remember running into some old friends and totally making drunken fools of both of us and vomiting their bathroom.
We used to joke to each other that people would say “They deserve each other!” Ouch.
Maybe we do. Maybe we do.
Then Mike found himself in the ER again, this time for an infected tooth. He seized in the hospital and they kept him for testing for 4 days. Once his white blood cell count returned to normal he could go home. Unfortunately, he was hallucinating due to the toxifying infection and the drugs they were giving him. He thought he was in the show Parks and Rec. He swore up and down that Chris Pratt and Nick Offerman were down the hall rehearsing their lines. And the hospital staff was giving me release papers to sign at this point and I was so worried about bringing home a hallucinating husband.
Mike relayed his busy day filming story to my mom when she came by to visit. But he was second-guessing some of his strange facts as he was retelling this fascinating hallucination. Then he slept pretty solid for the next 24+ hours.
This was our rebirth. Our second chance. We would both stop drinking, as a team and on May 1, 2016 we became sober. I went to a therapist for the first time ever. Mike went to out-patient treatment and we found AA, Alanon and family group support.
Our journey has not been easy, but it has been worth it. Through us working things out with professionals, admitting our faults and accepting the outcome, we have been able to focus on the care of us and our relationship. We have begun branching out to others again. Blogging and focusing on what we love to do - our photography and graphic design artwork.
[M] We started to rediscover the things we used to like to do. Like going to museums and hikes and taking photos and grew a lot closer. After the first year or two, I came around and started talking again.
For all the gains I made though, realizing I let my design skills fade and feeling panicked that I have too much to catch up on to have the kind of job I used to, took its toll on me. I fell off the wagon; off and on, and got sick a few times. The last time, I had enough and finally got help, not just for drinking but anxiety and depression. I started to feel better!
[C] I hope our friends can one day forgive us for being our drunken selves. But it first starts with us. So we have been working really hard on us. Daily chats about how we feel, staying away from certain scenes, listening to TED Talks, reading more, going to group, and communicating more with one another.
[M] That was a year and a half ago now, and honestly, it feels like I came out of a coma. Everything I just wrote about is what I can piece together from that time. Since I finally snapped out of it, we’ve grown as people and became closer than before. That’s why wrote about the bumps in the road on our anniversary.
[C] Our relationship has really bloomed. I feel my mind has cleared. Blogging and journaling give us our voice and putting it all out there feels like some kind of freedom.
So as we celebrate our fifth year of marriage, all these things now come to the surface again.
One week ago - October 6, 2017
[M] There are times I look over at Crystal and remember that feeling I got seeing her in those early days, and I just can’t believe how awesome it is that she’s still right here. There are times when I look at our photos and see the amazing places we’ve been, people we’ve met, and stuff we’ve done in disbelief how cool it is how lucky we are.
There are times when I miss my friend or wonder what I’m going to do with my life, and that can get me down, but it doesn’t feel overwhelming like it used to. It felt great to feel good and capable and not sick and hung over. I have more genuine confidence, though I’m very different than the drunken party guy, I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin.
This is a crazy time in history. Not sure how everything plays out and despite going the things I went through, I’m really grateful.
To be clearer minded, abler and not sick on its own is great.
[C] So where will we go from here? I don’t know, but we’re going for it together as Mr. & Mrs.
Love is the way he makes me laugh. Love is the way we cook for each other. Love is the work we’re both putting into living an alcohol-free life. And love will continue to light up our lives for all the days to come.
[M] Having a 5th anniversary wedding anniversary to celebrate in the first place is impressive. To have someone that never stopped loving me through all that is truly special. As is tons of photos recording the fantastic things and great times. Love is beyond those early days of butterflies and sweet nothings. Love is holding hands when you're down as much as it is making your dreams come true together.
I guess what I'm trying to say is tough times don't always have to take away from the good ones. There's always talk of people only posting the good times. Sure we may have been guilty of that once or twice, but since we have had our blog, I'm finding it easier to be a little more open. People often don't like when your reality is different than others idea of you, so I hope this doesn't offend. But sharing a clearer picture of us feels cleansing. Yeah, it's scary because I didn't talk much for years. I figure if I can write about personal stuff, I'll have the confidence to talk about most anything.
[C] Happy Anniversary my love. We can do this!
-Crystal & Mike Olguin
October 13th & 14th, 2017
