30 Day Blog Challenge -Day 2

How have you changed in the past two years? 

Mike: 

Wow, I thought this these were supposed to be short and easy. I've written about it a little here on this blog.

So here is the skinny. I didn't realize I had anxiety and sometimes depression. I drank to self medicate for years until I got sick and I stopped for a time. I was not suppose to at all, but after some career and personal defeats, I was back at it.

My friends started to distance themselves, and my situation didn't improve. Life for the next few years was constant fluctuations of getting on and off the wagon. From hospital visits to relationship strains, to losing friends, it all just started to pile up.

With that in mind, two years ago in summer 2015 we were slipping back into a drinking cycle again, and we went to a Foo Fighters concert. It was awesome.

That was the last fun time to be had for a year. Crystal's dad passed away, I hit the sauce pretty bad, and had another hospital trip.

I had more depression and new agoraphobia. Haven't worked in years, and it felt like I was never going to find the strength to. It culminated when I basically had a nervous breakdown and went on a bender which led to everything from embarrassing social media rants, to one more trip to the hospital.

I was not as sick from the drinking as I thought, but it turns out I had an infected tooth. I really almost died it was so bad. That was finally enough and I went to outpatient rehab.

After that, I focused on getting well and going to therapy. I started to feel better and started making changes. I did indeed feel better with time. Started feeling more confident and able to do things.

Our life seems more meaningful and we can can find joy again but it certainly isn't perfect. I still don't have a proper job. I miss people and aspects of my previous life and sometimes that makes me feel kinda small.

But, (this is a big ole' but), I couldn't possibly feel more different in all the best ways. Yeah, life is unpredictable and people come and go, but I have so much more optimism.

I enjoy making these posts, and drawing, and I feel much better, and can actually do stuff. I've been looking for work with more excitement than dread. I know there will be setbacks and hardships, but I feel better equipped to handle it.

I'll let my actions speak louder than my words as I try to figure out my life and what my deal is. I'll share the journey because I want to show others that they're not alone in having to rebuild a life. Or at least help people I know get to know "weirdo me" a little bit better. Wow, this has been real. Thanks for listening. Keep scrolling down for Crystal take.

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How I (Crystal) have changed in the last two years:

Wow, tons has changed in the past 2 years. More than ever before actually... The people we were, and the people we are today are completely different, as far as I am concerned.

I lost my father in October of 2015, but before that I was so entirely carefree, a "party girl" you might say. Our favorite places were Nikki C's for brunch because they had our favorite beer on tap "Grapefruit Sculpin," Angel City Brewery to sample all the seasonal beers and attend whatever event they might have in store, "The Boat" after work to get a giant mug of our favorite brew at happy hour prices or at home where we surely had a bottle of cold wine chilling and a six pack ready to go. I don't want to say we were alcoholics. But come on...

With the painful passing of my dad, I watched his organs fail in the hospital and he lost a battle with his own body because of the toxins he was putting in there for 50+ years. Alcohol did this to him. And it could kill my husband or myself at any point too. Was it worth it? This recreational, expensive, addictive, toxic, but fun consumption of alcohol.  

Once Mike landed himself in the hospital in April (due to a tooth infection) and he seized in front of me just 6 months after I lost my dad I realized, that's it. Enough is enough.  

We cannot repeat the same mistakes my father made.  We have to turn things around and kiss that demon goodbye! 

Mike went to rehab, and I was prescribed anti-depressants to cope with the loss of my father and stresses at work. As he got better that summer, I got worse though, and fell into a deeper depression because of the weight gain from the prescription meds and incredible amount of sleep that plagued me. I was sleeping 12-18 hours a day. Instead of running at lunch, I would hide in the massage chair room and nap. Then, the second I got home I would fall into a deep slumber from 5-9 or so until I awoke for dinner, followed by more even more sleep. This was a terrible cycle. I had no quality awake time at home any more.  

So I saw the doctor, weaned myself off the stupid pills and started therapy. I attend a family group who is affected or survived by alcoholics in their life. Here, I am able to open up, and discuss what I'm truly feeling. It has been through this honest dialog that I have been truly able to conquer my insecurities and fears.  

Now, I am more of an enlightened individual. Mike and I have been sober for 15 months. Our relationship is stronger. We talk about everything more openly and rationally. We've been working on the yard, enhancing our minds with TED talks and podcasts, and just generally improving our way of life. I joke that it's like we're newly weds enjoying our first year of marriage. We have new goals, aspirations, and a true future ahead and it's through these struggles over the past two years that have led us to today.   

No regrets, no looking back over the years lost. It's time to look forward and know that maybe we needed to go through the hard times to truly appreciate the good ones yet to come. With the evolution of our website and blog, and the improvemt of our home and our minds I know we have bright futures ahead, that won't ever include alcohol again.  

So cheers to the future! (Sparkling water in hand.) 

Thanks for reading, 

-Mike & Crystal Olguin

July 30, 2017

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