I came across this event in search of a picture for another story here on Olguinscene. 

I realized that the ten year anniversary of my first business trip overseas had recently passed a few weeks ago. 

This notion put my mind into a tailspin as I couldn’t believe that much time had passed since then. Partying and stress made the years between then and now almost seem to vanish from my memory. This felt much more upsetting than just the usual “Golly, that was a long time ago, I’m getting old.” feelings everyone has. This trip represented a great time in my life and I did not want to think of it being so far away. 

In late 2007, I started working for a mannequin company as a graphic designer; initially in preparation for this trip. I helped build the website, made articles and photos for all the marketing materials and anything else you can think of. 

This big trade show in Düsseldorf Germany was the US and European market debut of the company as they were previous;y based in Hong Kong. They were pretty successful and looking to relocate and expand here in the states and Europe. It was also my debut as a full-time graphic designer. 

This was not only my first job as a real designer, but also my first trip overseas. I liked to travel, I’m a WWII history buff, and l always wanted to go on a big business trip. So this was a huge deal to me. 

It had been a tough year after college, but things were looking up. 
I had this great new job, we reconnected with old friends and made lots of new ones, and I had this grand adventure to Europe coming up. It was precisely the stability, challenge and validation I had been looking for.

The day finally came to go to Europe. We were a small company. Literally a Mom and Pop venture. 
The owners were a lovely couple from Hong Kong in their late 30’s, (I was 28) There was an exuberant Asian-European office manager in his 30’s(?) a twenty-something executive assistant gal and an older friend of the owners that helped out with everything else. 
We paired off on separate flights.

It was a long flight, but I was excited as it was a German airline, so I already felt somewhere else. It was a rough and super scary landing, but I’ll never forget transferring planes in Munich, my first time on European soil. 

The airport was super futuristic looking. Making my way off the jet-way into the terminal, I was in awe of the different people and languages. We got to Düsseldorf where we met up. The company rented an apartment a few miles from the show grounds big enough for the small company. We got right to work the next day. 

It was tough setting up. A lot of different problems popped up, and as a result, there was the kind of tensions and conflicts you could expect from stressed and jet-lagged people in close quarters. We put together a nice booth despite everything. We were all set to bring in huge orders from department stores all over the world.

The big show started, and the first few days were so very busy. A blur of trying to talk to and understand every different kind of person about mannequins. Trading business cards and the whole deal. Oy, my aching feet. I started to miss Crystal, and friends at home, but I carried on. 

When we had some time or energy, we got to explore the town somewhat at the end of each day. Dusseldorf is not Cuckoo-clock Germany. This is a modern city. 

There’s a suburb here in LA called Pasadena that has a modern-ish business area an “old town” shopping area and lots of homes. 
It’s a midsize city that's reasonably well off and an excellent allegory for Düsseldorf. 

We really liked the old town area, but it was a little far for everyone. I once went on my own. I took the wrong train home and got lost. I’ll never forget walking around the city at night by myself trying to get back to the right train. Scary fun. 
 
Over the course of the week, the trade show slowed up a bit, and I got a chance to see some of the other booths. 

Messe Dusseldorf is one of the largest business conventions anywhere. It only happens every four years, and almost every company that makes stuff for the retail and food and services industry is there. 

You know, business to business goods. They represented everything from hangars to industrial kitchen equipment to robot Santas. 

All of this in 11 Costco sized buildings. A labyrinth of aisles, booths, and walkways, banners, and signs begging for your attention. 
Rows upon rows of vendors standing in front of their booths with clipboards, badges, samples or SWAG. 
All were desperately vying for eye contact. Mostly every company was really well dressed and stylish except the American companies. 

In giant rooms of thousands of Europeans looking like they're going to a Hollywood movie premiere; my fellow citizens stood out as the doughy guys and gals in wrinkled khakis and some sort of ugly ill-fitting golf shirt with a cheesy logo embroidered on it. 
But I digress. 

Hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world were wandering around speaking languages you’ve never even heard of wheeling-dealing, swag-bags in hand. 

One vast building was dedicated to Holiday decorations. Aisles of Halloween stuff, Santa’s, Chinese New Year, and holidays I’ve never heard of, all had lights and songs that were mixing together to make the craziest holiday mishmash. 

Though a walkway and into another building. A wall of Euro-techno music hits you. There were more lights and lasers than a extraterrestrial disco. It felt like a nightclub because it was the building of vendors that sell equipment to bars and clubs. 

Aisles of DJ equipment, lighting, security stuff, dartboards, drinkware; the whole Magilla. Some had full-size mock-up bars and clubs serving as showrooms with complete with “sample” booze. 

Another building was restaurant supply. Ovens, giant woks, menu boards, cooking demonstrations, great smells, full-size restaurant kitchen and dining room mockups that look like movie sets. 

Communication companies from all the world with what looked like little Apple store type booths. All white and alien looking with lots of seating and led screens so they can sit and explain their phone company or software, whatever. 

When the show was finally over, we anticlimactically took everything down; everyone very exhausted. My coworker and I  stayed an extra day or two. She and I wanted to venture out farther but decided to stay in Düsseldorf and really look around. 

We walked around the town and ate at various places. 
We went to an aquarium and saw the mall and giant old-time department store. 

The hotel was interesting. 
We had our own tiny rooms.  I was just happy it had a bathroom. 
I remember watching German TV one night listening to the city sounds outside and thinking how surreal it was. 

It was, of course, a long journey and flight back. 
The trip was only like two weeks, but it felt a lot longer. 
I came home to Crystal, In and Out and later all my friends. 
This trip was just the beginning of a very happy time in my life. 

I don’t know how much of a success the show was. 
We weren’t flooded with orders when we got home. 
We still felt pretty good about the way things were going but a few months later the Great Recession took hold. It didn't matter how successful the show was or wasn't; there was no appetite for trendy mannequins or even the expensive stores they were going to. 

The company held out as long as they could until finally having to give up. They graciously kept me working as long they could, but it was a slow painful demise. 

The owners moved on, and I’m not sure what they do now, but things seemed to work out ok for their family from what I’ve seen on social media. 

It was a few months before I found another job and even that one succumbed to the recession not long after. 

I took all that loss hard. I started regularly drinking again. Friendships eroded as I became increasingly impaired, sick and depressed. The years that followed were a dark time for me. 

I finally sobered up and got counseling almost two years ago now. As I started to clear up and relearn all the talents I had ignored for a decade, I began to feel better. I hadn't been able to look back at old pictures much. I don’t remember most of those times, and I didn’t want to see the bloated, poofy waste-iod, a sorry sad-sack image of myself I saw looking back. 

But when I came across these pictures, I smiled. 
I looked through them all and thought what a great post the story of this trip would make. I remembered how accomplished I felt. 
How exciting the days leading up to it were and the fun memories I had talking about the trip with friends, and how happy I was to see them when I got back. I remembered the fun we had before everything became sad. 

Before I knew it, I was going through all the years photos plucking up relevant or good ones for future stories. 
I started to see the pics of myself not as the party fun dude I thought I was at the time, or even the pathetic tubby loser I saw myself in years right after. 

Instead, I saw an inexperienced, sheltered guy who made a few right moves and got a couple of bad breaks. 

A proud, capable guy who couldn’t get over the embarrassment of failing. Or the stigma I might encounter because of my anxiety or even from getting help. Thus not getting it for years. 

In other words, instead of seeing myself as one dimensional, either thriving or pathetic I saw myself as just a person navigating through life. 

So well this was supposed to be a simple post that acknowledged the ten year anniversary of my first time overseas, I saw a great story. 
In putting that story together, I found some peace with what I went through over the years. 

Most important I remembered I’m capable. The guy in these photos, on that trip, was competent, warm, personable and worked really hard despite being a doofus. 

That is what gave that guy all the successes he had. Not any delusion he had about what a great artist or how smart he thought he was. 

These days I’m feeling pretty good about my art, writing and programming skills. 

I have no idea what I’m going to do with them or if there’s a career in there yet. I don’t know how to plug these skills into something tangible, but I keep learning. I don’t know where I’m going, but when I get there, I’ll be confident in what I can do, who I am, and where I’ve been. 

I wanted to mark an anniversary of a travel and career milestone and remember a time when I felt accomplished; mostly because it felt so distant. Through writing about it, I didn’t just reminisce about an old accomplishment as I thought. 

In remembering what’s important to me then, I rediscovered what is important to me now. 
Thanks for reading. 
-Mike O.